By matrimony, therefore, the souls of the contracting parties are joined and knit together more directly and more intimately than are their bodies, and that not by any passing affection of sense of spirit, but by a deliberate and firm act of the will; and from this union of souls by God's decree, a sacred and inviolable bond arises. Hence the nature of this contract, which is proper and peculiar to it alone, makes it entirely different both from the union of animals entered into by the blind instinct of nature alone in which neither reason nor free will plays a part, and also from the haphazard unions of men, which are far removed from all true and honorable unions of will and enjoy none of the rights of family life.

Written in July of 2014 Someone somewhere once pointed out that girls liking guys for absolutely no reason, e.i. the ones who do not like them back or the total losers who don't care anyhow, was because of the fall, that God gave Eve such a strong "desire for your husband." I had a pretty bad experience with this back in college and prayed very hard for God to never let me fall in love again unless the man in question was already in love with me. This has proven to be a good thing, for I haven't fallen in love since. Thank goodness time is such a good healer! I think it comes down to our feminine desire to be loved, honored, and protected. However, in this modern-post-feministic-revolt society we live in, guys are effectively neutered since "women can do it themselves! they can make more money than you! they can fix their own cars! they don't even need you to become a mother so go somewhere else!" Yes, I blame the wider culture for this screwy, messed up situation. It doesn't matter who started it...but radical feminism has been passing around the lie that we must become men for the better part of a century now, and people go right on believing it despite the fact the culture continues to devolve and degrade. If marraige is meant to be, it will happen. It is better to wait 12 years for the right guy than to settle after only two months for the wrong one and have to live the rest of your life like that. Trust in the Lord, and he shall direct thy path. I've a big problem with that, because I have bought into the lie "it's my life and I"ll make something out of it" hook line and sinker. Yep...I'm that girl I can't stand: the rebellious one who wants to do it herself. Doing it myself has gotten me no where and continues to get me no where. Something to work on...and perhaps the most important thing.

Feminity. What is it? A quick internet search will directly feed you those holding up antiquated ideology and how woman of necesity moved on from virginal ignorance, both historically and personally, and into a more hearty and supposedly laudable state of self-actuated take-charge aggression. Others hold up the idea that feminity is defined as "hero-worship," of a man. Not just any man, mind you, but those deserving of her respect...and she never views herself as his pal, his sister, or (God forbid) his leader. hmmm... This hogwash goes on and on and literally makes me sick to my stomach. There are those who are all for throwing it out in this modern era as unnecessary and demeaning, and then the opposite end of the spectrum which makes femininity a thing of masculine support only. My femininity is, apparently, either saturated with sexual undertones and I exist for the gratification of the male, or it is completely devoid of sexuality and assumes the role of a business arrangement for the glory of God. I find it complete flummery to attempt to convice anyone that God would be glorified by any of this. I'm a woman. I am a feminine gal who washes her hair and puts it up, who painstakingly does her makeup, who shaves her legs and pits, who smiles and greats those she meets even though most of them don't look up from their electronic devices, who bakes cookies and blueberry cobbler to make others happy, who serves beer and water to her guests personally, who works out every day, who wears attractive skirts, who conceals her cleavage, and who calls her mother even though it is a chore. Feminity is realizing and embracing all of those attributes that make one truly woman. Have I lost you? Let me explain for a moment here. Feminity is beautiful. I recognize my attributes and I care for them appropriately. My body is sacred, concealed from prying eyes, but clothed attractively. Frumpiness is not modesty...frumpiness is an effort to turn away the wandering eye by sending it away shuddering in horror. Modesty turns the wandering eye to heaven. Feminity automatically excludes promiscuity (my body is awesome, and it is only going to someone who is worthy of it...and only one someone) Feminity is meek. NOT WEAK!!! A feminine lass is strong in body and mind, does not bend with the times. However, she is not hard, she is gentle with those around her, speaks kindly to others. If she points out your weakness she does it with kindness...or she gets you to laugh. Feminity is generous, not jealous, and she gives way in order to bring about peace or joy for all. Sure, feminity does become hero worship...but only for one man: Jesus Christ. He raised woman from her social status as a slave to a pedastal where she deserves reverence, protection, and defference. This is a crummy little reflection here...but I will be expounding on it shortly.

After 6 hours of sleep I stumble into work, slug down some coffee, Seeking the face of Christ in the most vulnerable.

What to expect when you are expecting...something

I graduated from college 4 years and 2 months ago. I started working at my present job 3 year, 8 months and 1 week ago. If I could go back and tell myself "well, honey, you are still working in the same job, you still have tons of loans, you are still single, no husband/kids yet..." would I change anything? I was certainly expecting things to be different...I was hoping they would be.

When we have expectations and they are not met, we tend to get angry...which then leads to resentment. Resentment leads to self pity, but at the same time you've got to blame someone...someone besides yourself because you certainly did not do this to yourself...you would never have chosen to be this unhappy. That is what happens to all of these marriages that "survive" but are miserable beyond belief, with the spouses nitpicking each other to death. People get married expecting it to be one way and it is not, which then occludes their ability to see all of the good that they cannot see because they were not expecting it and are too focused on their own dissapointment.

Perhaps it is better to avoid expectations, but this leads one to abandon hope for better things. Can there not be a middle ground? a balance? I know this to be possible.

No matter what I "expect" to happen in my life, I know that God's will would be so much better than anything I could have dreamed up. It all comes down to a reoccuring theme of this summer: trust. Would I go back and change anything knowing what I know now? Probably not. Do I trust God enough? Absolutely not.

O Lord, be merciful to me a fool.

Christ and sinners

"Christ's love knows no boundaries, stops at no limits, doesn't turn away from ugliness and filth. It was for sinners He came, not for the righteous."
~ St. Teresa of Avila

Christ came to save sinners...not the perfect people.
Have you ever met a perfect person? I've met a few, and believe you me, they ain't perfect....not by a long shot! Perfect people make me nervous...and I often feel terribly inferior. By this I mean those who seem so perfect and who think of themselves as such. Those who are truly perfect (and I've met only a couple of them) are actually perfect and do not make anyone feel inferior because they exude the love of God through their very being, and God, though He is perfection itself by virtue of the fact that He is Truth, loves us unconditionally.

I still find it hard to believe that He could love one so frustrating, so small, so pigheaded as I. And therein we see the crux of the issue: a lack of trust. Christ continues to love me even though I constantly exhibit a lack of trust...human nature perhaps...but selfish and stupid nonetheless.

O Lord, be merciful to me, a fool.

Prayer

Prayer...so necessary...so small...so difficult. Why do I constantly fight against God to pray? How can I cultivate a friendship with him if I do not get to know him?

St. John Vianney noticed a man who came to the church every day and stayed for hours in front of the Tabernacle. After watching this for a while he finally went up to the man and asked "what do you say?" The man looked at the saint and said, "I don't say anything. I look at him and he looks at me."

Methinks it's only complicated because I make it so.

Anthem

O say can you see by the dawn's early light
what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
who's broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous flight o're the ramparts we watch were so galantly gleaming.
And the rocket's red glare,
the bombs bursting in air
gave truth through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star spangled banner yet wave
o're the land of the free and the home of the brave. 

O thus be it ever when free men shall stand
between their loved homes and the war's desolation.
 Blessed with victory and peace may the heaven rescued land
 praise the power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
And then conquer we must
when our cause it is just,
and this be our motto: in God is Our trust!
And the flag of the free, forever may it wave,
 or the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Complete vs. Finished.

If you look up the definitions of "complete" and "finished" in the dictionary, they mean pretty much the same thing. Someone asked a linguist, "what is the difference between these words?" He answered, "well, think of it this way: if you find the right girl and marry her, you are complete. If you marry the wrong girl, you are finished. If you marry the right girl and do it with the wrong girl, you are completely finished." Told to me by my father. =)

THE FOOL'S PRAYER by Edward Rowland Sill

I loved to read as a child (I still do, though I take much less time doing it) and every now and again I would stumble upon something I considered profound and I would memorize. Every so often, I will mutter under my breathe "Lord, be merciful to me a fool" for it is all of the foolish things I do and have done that bring me pain...and the wretched devil who constantly reminds me of them. A priest told me recently, "okay, so you are confessing the same things every week in the confessional? Stop taking yourself so seriously!!! Offer it to God, and quit getting down about your weakness." For it is my weakness that makes me human, and my weakness that He embraced.

HE royal feast was done; the King

Sought some new sport to banish care,

And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,

Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

 

The jester doffed his cap and bells,

And stood the mocking court before;

They could not see the bitter smile

Behind the painted grin he wore.

 

He bowed his head, and bent his knee

Upon the Monarch's silken stool;

His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

 

"No pity, Lord, could change the heart

From red with wrong to white as wool;

The rod must heal the sin: but Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

 

"'T is not by guilt the onward sweep

Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;

'T is by our follies that so long

We hold the earth from heaven away.

 

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,

Go crushing blossoms without end;

These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust

Among the heart-strings of a friend.

 

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept--

Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?

The word we had not sense to say--

Who knows how grandly it had rung!

 

"Our faults no tenderness should ask.

The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;

But for our blunders -- oh, in shame

Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

 

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;

Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool

That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!"

 

The room was hushed; in silence rose

The King, and sought his gardens cool,

And walked apart, and murmured low,

"Be merciful to me, a fool!"

Nothing more than feelings...

A friend of mine recently posed the question to me that since she has a child who leans heavily towards feelings and less toward reason, should she not overemphasize the need for reason with this child? Her thoughts were that this is necessary especially since our culture states over and over again "do what you feel. be in line with your feelings." As a heavily inclined feeling person (I tend to think with my feelings as an INFP) I completely rebelled against this idea, as this is largely what my mother attempted to do in me.

As Catholics, we come from a faith tradition that encourages Faith and Works, Faith and Reason, private devotion and public devotion, the past and the future, spiritual and corporal...and she encourages us to strive for balance in these things. I can not bring order to the world by overcompensating for the ills of the world by being the complete reverse. Rather, I can bring order by balancing my life in Christ and changing those around me. Sure, perhaps I am a little too romantic, or a little too hopeful, or too imaginative, or I feel way too much...but while that may be, I can cultivate the thinking/analytical side without completely washing these ideas away.

Is that too hopeful? ;-)

Soulmate and online dating.

The concept of soulmates is pagan and utterly idiotic. The idea is that everyone was one whole and could satisfy their every need and there was unity in the being, but then they were split apart and doomed to forever roam the earth looking for their "soulmate."

Yuck!

Is my vocation marriage? Yes! At least I think so. Would I like to be married? Yes. However, I would tend to point I don't actually care much where I meet my husband, though I do admit to have a preference for meeting him organically. I know that God wants me to marry and I need to leave the where/why/how/whom to Him. Why did I sign up for this Catholic marriage website? Uh, my mom told me to. Lol...I actually did it on a whim. How's that for mature, discerning, and rational adult decision making? I am happy with my life. I cannot change something about my life unless I am already happy with it and want to make it better. I happy as a single gal...could I give that up for the good of my beloved? Yes, because that is love. I firmly believe that I can love my other even though I have not met him simply by living my life well and by being willing to take a risk.

Love is risky. Someone was once crucified for love.

Reflections on motherhood

I was recently challenged on something that I hold very dear, and, as usual, was unable to put my thoughts together coherently in order to really express my views. Oddly enough, it was about being a stay at home mom...something very close to my heart. In order that my thoughts may be more collected, I'm attempting to lay them out in a somewhat orderly fashion to prevent the Jackass feeling from reoccurring in the future...or at least with regard to this particular issue. Be it known that I am here describing the ideal, the hope, and the very best thing and am not taking into account that there are many good women who are compelled to work when their husbands are sick or die. This is not about that sort of thing.

 Though I have no children, I feel very strongly that it is the parents who ought to raise their children, and if someone else has them for 40+ waking hours every week, that is not happening. So many people argue, "but he still knows who his mama is, and he hugs me tight every morning and says 'I wish you wouldn't go!'" My heart bleeds for those children. Society forces the woman and her child to forgo their natural inclination for "the way things ought to be." If the mother does not stay at home with the child, who does? strangers? As a couple of friends who worked in daycare informed me, they witnessed many children's first words, first steps, and other things that parents completely missed. It is in a woman's nature to be a mother. This cannot be denied physically or emotionally...I would hope that no one has tried to deny it spiritually. Built into the very fibers of a woman's body are the ability (and, frankly, the necessity) to carry a child within herself to term and to nourish this child for the first few years of it's life. The mother and the child are inseparable from the very moment of conception until the moment of birth. Why would you try to separate them after that? The child still naturally depends on the mother for everything...she just has a more active role right now that others, most especially the child's father, can share with her now. I'm not here arguing that the mother can naturally satisfy every need the child has while being raised...just that she should have a primary role together with the father. I have many friends who are young mothers, and all of them stay at home with their children. Most of them did not intend for this to happen, but after the child came they couldn't let go. So many women I work with felt the same, but they were made to feel silly, or like "don't worry...you will get over it...it's just a natural inclination." Uh...DUH!!!! It sure the heck is! This is what a woman is oriented toward!!! It is demeaning to her worth as a woman to claim that motherhood is not a full time job and deserving of her intelligence and talent. Could she use her skills elsewhere to accomplish good? Of course she could! Is there any good greater than her family? NO YOU MORON!!!

 Firstly, parents love their children and are constantly trying to discover their personality, their hopes, their dreams. They know their children best and should be the ones disciplining, nurturing, and encouraging them. They actually have their children's best interest at heart whereas they are one of many for anyone else who could possibly be caring for them. Secondly, it is better for kids to be with their parents as much as possible, to know that there is always someone there who loves them and wants to care for them. This builds trust, honesty, and respect in a child...something that our world is (not so surprisingly) lacking today. Thirdly, it is better for the parents. Knowing that a parent is with the child, the breadwinner is happy and relaxed about leaving the home knowing that the children will be cared for by heir own parent! Less stress =happier life, happier people, peace, weight lose, increased libido, better prayer life...you get the picture.

Come on people! Wake up! 

Truer words were never spoken!!! I do think his point about curiosity espeically poignant, because it is certainly through such a sentiment that many a good hearted Catholic has fallen into the clutches of the evil one. It is a struggle, and has always been for Christians from the earliest times. Dear GK observed in an essay entitled The Patriotic Idea (which can be found in his Collected Works from Ignatius Press) "There is, moreover, another broad distinction, which inclines us to side with those who support the abstract idea of patriotism against those who oppose it. There are two methods by which intelligent men may approach the problem of that temperance which is the object of morality in all matters—in wine, in war, in sex, in patriotism; that temperance which desires, if possible, to have wine without drunkenness, war without massacre, love without profligacy, and patriotism without Sir Alfred Harmsworth. One method, advocated by many earnest people from the beginning of history, is what may roughly be called the teetotal method; that is, that it is better, because of their obvious danger, to do without these great and historic passions altogether. The upholders of the other method (of whom I am one) maintain, on the contrary, that the only ultimate and victorious method of getting rid of the danger is thoroughly to understand and experience the passions. We maintain that with every one of the great emotions of life there goes a certain terror, which, when taken with imaginative reality, is the strongest possible opponent of excess; we maintain, that is to say, that the way to be afraid of war is to know something about war; that the way to be afraid of love is to know something about it; that the way to avoid excess in wine is to feel it as a perilous benefit, and that patriotism goes along with these. The other party maintains that the best guarantee of temperance is to wear a blue ribbon; we maintain that the best guarantee is to be born in a wine-growing country. They maintain that the best guarantee of purity is to take a celibate vow; we maintain that the best guarantee of purity is to fall in love. They maintain that the best guarantee of avoiding a reckless pugnacity is to forswear fighting; we maintain that the best guarantee is to have once experienced it. They maintain that we should care for our country too little to resent trifling impertinences; we maintain that we should care too much about our country to do so. It is like the Mohammedan and Christian sentiment of temperance. Mohammedanism makes wine a poison; Christianity makes it a sacrament." To fall in love with God is to be totally consumed in love, and if one is totally consumed in Love, which we know to be a person, then one loves truly every one of those God places in his path. Consider St. Francis and his love of nature and of the animals, of his brothers, and of St. Clare: he love Our Blessed Lord with everything he had, and he loved each of these unconditionally. If I truly loved ever person in this world, I would never objectify them by impurity. I do not think there is any evil in temptation, for even Christ was tempted by the devil (having not Original Sin, he did not have concupiscence and was not tempted by the flesh as we are). The greatness comes in conquering temptations. The best defences against impurity, on a pratical note, are to say three Hail Marys daily for purity, and to pray to St. Mary of Egypt. Look her up! She's fantastic!!! http://insightscoop.typepad.com/2004/2012/07/g-k-chesterton-on-the-patriotic-idea.html

INFP

Just another look at my myers brigs type. Excerpt from http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/infp.htm INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception) is a four-letter abbreviation for one of the 16 personality types identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The INFP personality type is often described as an "idealist" personality. People with this kind of personality tend to be introverted, idealistic, creative and driven by high values. Tfour-letter code for this personality type stands for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling and Perceiving. •Introversion (I): How do you relate to the world and focus your energy? •Intuition (N): How do you perceive information? •Feeling (F): How do you make decisions? •Perceiving (P): How to you orient yourself to the outside world? Some of the main characteristics of the INFP personality include: •Loyal and devoted •Sensitive to feelings •Warm, caring and interested in other people •Strong written communication skills •Prefers to work alone •Values close relationships •Focuses on the "big picture" rather than the details INFPs tend to be introverted, quiet and reserved. Being in social situations tends to drain their energy and they prefer interacting with a select group of close friends. While they like to be alone, this should not necessarily be confused with shyness. Instead, it simply means that INFPs gain energy from spending time alone. On the other hand, they have to expend energy in social situations. INFPS typically rely on intuition and are more focused on the big picture rather than the nitty-gritty details. They can be quite meticulous about things they really care about or projects they are working on, but tend to ignore mundane or boring details. INFPs place an emphasis on personal feelings and their decisions are more influenced by these concerns rather than by objective information. They also dislike conflict and try to avoid it. When conflicts or arguments do arise, they usually focus more on how the conflict makes them feel rather than the actual details of the argument. During arguments, they might seem overly emotional or even irrational. However, they can also be good mediators by helping the people involved in a conflict identify and express their feelings. When it comes to making decisions, INFPs like to keep their options open. They often delay making important decisions just in case something about the situation changes. When decisions are made, they are usually based on personal values rather than logic. Because they are so reserved and private, it can be difficult for other people to get to know INFPs. They tend to be quite devoted to their circle of close friends and family and place a high importance on the feelings and emotions of their loved ones. Much of their energy is focused inward and characterized by intense feelings and strong values. They tend to be very loyal to the people they love and to beliefs and causes that are important to them. INFPs tend to be very creative, artistic and spiritual. They are often skilled with language, but may prefer to express their thoughts and feelings through writing. Because they have strong ethics and values, they also become passionate about advocating or defending their beliefs. While they feel strongly about their own values, INFPs are also interested in learning more about others and are willing to listen and consider many sides of an issue. INFPs also have strong interests in making the world a better place. In addition to wanting to gain a greater understanding of themselves and how they fit into the world, they are also interested in how they can best help others. People with this personality type spend a lot of time exploring their own purpose in life and thinking about how they can use their skills and talents to best serve humanity. Best Career Choices for INFPs INFPs typically do well in careers where they can express their creativity and vision. While they work well with others, they generally prefer to work alone. Some possible careers that might be a good match for an INFP include: •Artist •Counselor •Graphic Designer •Librarian •Psychologist •Physical Therapist •Social Worker •Writer