You Might be the Oldest in a Large Family If

There is no particular order to these. I owe nearly all of these musings to my family, my seven younger siblings, and my parents. It is not intended to offend anyone, and I'm not saying that you have to be from a large family to be any good.

You might be the oldest child in a large family if:
-you’ve potty-trained at least one of your siblings
-your little siblings come to you when they wet their beds during the night.
-the only place you can be alone is the bathroom (if you’re lucky)
-(if you’re a girl) you do your sisters’ hair up nicely and make them “all pretty” while you leave the house with your brush to do yours in the car at red lights.
-Sunday morning finds you barefooted, in your pajamas, rushing around frantically buttoning your brother’s shirts, tying your sister’s dresses, combing everyone else’s hair, and putting other people’s shoes on. Then your father says “what are you dawdling for!”
-you enjoy the fact that you can tell embarrassing stories about your siblings, but they were too young to remember yours….you hope.
-you’ve ever had a day when you felt like you did nothing but change diapers
-your siblings think you know everything, and you never disenchant them.
-people compliment your well-behaved children, and you just say “thank you, sir,” without attempting to explain they are your siblings.
-you have been mistaken for your father’s/mother’s wife/husband, and your parent didn’t try to deny it.
-your siblings refer to you as “the big/old girl/boy.”
-your siblings urge you to get married and have lots of babies for them to play with.
-you can bathe 3 small children (in the same bathtub) and have them all clean, dry, and dressed in under 20 minutes (collectively, not for each).
-you can get most of the kids ready for bed in under half an hour…on good days or when you’ve found a good bribe/threat.
-you know how to buckle a car seat into any vehicle with your eyes closed.
-you rarely drive anything that seats fewer than 6 people
-you don’t drive anything that is new and shiny, because your family owns no such car.
-the bloodstains on your clothes usually came from the knees, noses, lips, and heads of your brother and sisters.
-you are your parent’s guinea pig for everything.
-you went to school…and your parents decided to home school the others and you too.
-despite the fact that you are the oldest, you still wear hand-me-downs.
-your baby sister gets hurt, you feel responsible.
-someone else’s chores don’t get done, your mother asks you why.
-you get sick of hearing that you have to be a “good example”
-your siblings can usually get away with blaming anything on you.
-your sense of responsibility irritates the livin’ daylights out of you sometimes.
-the only thing you can think to talk about is…your family.
-you get in a fight with your younger brother, and (physical or not) you get in trouble, even though you didn’t start it, because “you’re the oldest.”
-you come back home after an extended absence, and find your bed has been commandeered by stuff or a brother/sister, and your next youngest sister/brother is wearing your clothes.
-you know what to do when your mother goes into labor.
-unlike your typical, hedonistic/public schooled/democratic peers, you knew more about birthing and childrearing at 16 than they ever will.
-you dream of having family like yours, but you won’t treat your oldest so poorly.
-you love children. You actually know the good and bad about kids, and you love them anyway, including their faults and tendencies.
-no matter what your gender, you play cowboys and Indians with your brothers, and dollies with your sisters, and sometimes a combination of both.
-when your family gets the “throwing-up-germ,” you are the one who cleans everything up and comforts the kids, and, usually only if you are female, you do this even when you too are sick.
-you make frequent runs to the store for, among other things, milk
-you can make a good-tasting, filling meal for a dozen people for under $20.
-your father is the dictator/monarch and your mother his assistant. Despite the fact that there are plenty of other minions about, them seem to dictate everything to you...
-when by yourself, you can’t get anything done because the silence is too noisy.
-people say that your family has “a million kids,” and you try to inform them that there is an enormous difference between a million and 10 (or whatever it is).
-you make bets with your friends on who’s mom will have another baby first.
-you see red when the dummy at church comes up to you and says “so rhythm didn’t work for you guys, huh?” You then proceed to give him a piece of your mind, in a calm, controlled manner. Or, you just say, “ask my dad” because you love to see him cream dummies.
-you dread the day when your next younger sister/brother will induce a mutiny in the absence of your parents.
-you are the first one into the pew on Sunday, and you walk all the way to the end.
-you can launder anything
-your mother cried when you left for the first time, and the second, and the third...
-your little brothers and sisters cried when you left too.
-you get the last shower (cause the other kids have to go to bed sooner) and the hot water is…
-you realize that your parents are growing more and more lax with each successive child.
-your barber is your parent, usually your mother
-when you go to brush your teeth, the first thing you do is wipe off the outside of the toothpaste and rinse off 5 other toothbrushes.
-you know that boys and girls are different, despite what modern pop-psychology is telling you
-you know that girls and boys have to be complimented and encouraged differently.
-you mow the lawn…always.
-during your absence, your siblings (sometimes your parents) suddenly realize all that you do…and wish you’d come back and do it.
-you are entirely confidant that you could run the household on your own.
-you are versatile when it comes to socializing with different ages
-you feel the need to go to weekly (or even daily) confession.
-when you meet a new person, you can easily identify if they are the oldest, youngest, only (they stick out like a sore thumb), etc. child in their families.
-your family is the most environmentally friendly one you know.
-you had your own room for 6 months: between ages 2 and 4 when your next youngest sibling joined you because mom had another baby.
-as a kid, you dreamed of having your own bed.
-your friends ask you where you got your shirt, and you’ve got no clue, so you say “oh, probably from a black bag.”
-you can read a book to the tune of wailing fire-engines, piano recitals, battle reenactments, full blown rows, and your brother reciting times-tables.
-when people ask you “can’t your parents count?” you respond “Yep, better and higher than most.”
-you thank God for giving you such a family, because now you can skip Purgatory.