Every now and then, I realize that spending time alone in my house is not enough. I do crave alone time, certainly, but alone in my house watching movies and such is so unfulfilling. Furthermore, it tends to breed a desire for more alone-ness and thus I become grumpy if other people intrude on my solitude. And then...I went to Mass tonight.
So simple...so invigorating...Confession before and Stations of the Cross afterward. So beautiful. There was rather a ferocious thunderstorm going on outside with those huge raindrops that cover an entire car in one drip. The lights went out right before the gospel. Mass in the dark. Fantastic.
The Stations of the Cross are one of my truly favorite devotions. The thoughts and ideas contained therein go with my earlier thoughts in a previous post that I don't feel anything. It is hard to feel sorrow for my sins, hard to feel the necessity of going to Mass, hard to feel that I ought to go out for a walk. But perhaps this is numbness is a wake up call for a deeper conversion. The prayers of the Stations are constantly asking for forgiveness and meditation on the sorrows and pains of Our Lord. One sentiment in particular struck me tonight: that the cross in and of itself did not hurt him, for he was a strong man and a carpenter and could easily have carried that wood. The pain and the heaviness came from the weight of our sins, the true burden of calvary. Every sinful act infinitely offensive. I struggle under the weight of my own sins and a couple of the sins around me. I venture to think that I do not even know all of my sins.
Greater love hath no man....
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