Sunshine...we all long for the light. Does this mean something amazing? Do I want to become the light or the essence of light?
Nonsense. Can't things remain simple? I make my bed, I corner it and I tuck it in. The pillows go at the top. The folded afghan rests at the foot. It is good to eat, bad to eat too much or too little. Is there such a thing as being too wrapped up in oneself? Heck Yes! There are so many people walking around who give no thought to others and want everything to bow down to their every wish because, I believe, they think themselves somehow superior to those around them.
The life well ordered. Is there such a thing? I like to the think that one day I will have an ordered life. but for now my filing system lies on the floor of my loft, in 17 different piles strewn around. Oh sure...I've got file folders. It's just so terribly hard to get them in there. In my dreams, I make a lovely dinner with minimal effort every day, drink coffee from a tea cup. Of course, that's probably not right either according to Emily Post.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
"Life in the Gap"
I've met so many young ladies....or known so many for years...who are open to God's will, working at doing something with their lives, and yet live in the doldrums of boredom and loneliness. Where have all the young men gone?
As a five year old with joy and happiness in my heart, nothing to do but make my bed and set the table and wear my pretty little frocks as I cared for my darling baby dolls, I used to long for a life of love and adventure. I would have a dozen children, we would live in a large house, just so, with secret passage ways and several pantries. I would be a wonderful mother and bake cookies all day. We would have tons of horses and have family races, sit on the porch and sings folk songs all evening.
As I grew older, this plan grew wings and developed...small bit of land, extensive gardens, I would work perhaps once every two weeks to bring in some spending money and keep up my skills...have a couple of kids, etc. etc. etc.
Now I am in my third year post-college graduation and I feel that I am in limbo. What's going to happen next? I've got no freakin clue. They don't prepare you for this part of life. Spinsterhood (hopefully temporary) is much more difficult than it looks! You can't stay in side or you go crazy. you can't go out because you've no one to go with. so you sit at home and....and...and what? knit? do more laundry? watch a show? eventually you run out of laundry, dishes, shows, and you read all your books...unless you are me and you keep saving them for a rainy day (which just means you are too lazy).
Only a few weeks ago, 3 girls from church, ages 10-12, asked me how old I was. they were absolutely shocked to hear that I was in my mid 20s "You are really old!!! How come you aren't married yet? my mom had 3 babies when she was your age!"
"Well," I say (buying time), "no man wants me. I'm too weird."
I am greeted by blank stares.
Last week my co-worker paid me a great compliment after watching my interaction with a slightly irritating elementary-school child: "why do you not have like 5 kids? you'd be an awesome mother." It's kinda hard when you only have 23 chromosomes to work with.
My friend, Mary Beth, has a blog entitled "Life in the Gap" and it talks about this gap of child to adult to education and then....?...single life stretching on for eternity.
All we can do is make the most of it. I live my life day to day and attempt to improve myself in the sight of Our Lord. Maybe, if I'm very good, he will show me his will!
As a five year old with joy and happiness in my heart, nothing to do but make my bed and set the table and wear my pretty little frocks as I cared for my darling baby dolls, I used to long for a life of love and adventure. I would have a dozen children, we would live in a large house, just so, with secret passage ways and several pantries. I would be a wonderful mother and bake cookies all day. We would have tons of horses and have family races, sit on the porch and sings folk songs all evening.
As I grew older, this plan grew wings and developed...small bit of land, extensive gardens, I would work perhaps once every two weeks to bring in some spending money and keep up my skills...have a couple of kids, etc. etc. etc.
Now I am in my third year post-college graduation and I feel that I am in limbo. What's going to happen next? I've got no freakin clue. They don't prepare you for this part of life. Spinsterhood (hopefully temporary) is much more difficult than it looks! You can't stay in side or you go crazy. you can't go out because you've no one to go with. so you sit at home and....and...and what? knit? do more laundry? watch a show? eventually you run out of laundry, dishes, shows, and you read all your books...unless you are me and you keep saving them for a rainy day (which just means you are too lazy).
Only a few weeks ago, 3 girls from church, ages 10-12, asked me how old I was. they were absolutely shocked to hear that I was in my mid 20s "You are really old!!! How come you aren't married yet? my mom had 3 babies when she was your age!"
"Well," I say (buying time), "no man wants me. I'm too weird."
I am greeted by blank stares.
Last week my co-worker paid me a great compliment after watching my interaction with a slightly irritating elementary-school child: "why do you not have like 5 kids? you'd be an awesome mother." It's kinda hard when you only have 23 chromosomes to work with.
My friend, Mary Beth, has a blog entitled "Life in the Gap" and it talks about this gap of child to adult to education and then....?...single life stretching on for eternity.
All we can do is make the most of it. I live my life day to day and attempt to improve myself in the sight of Our Lord. Maybe, if I'm very good, he will show me his will!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Thursday, May 03, 2012
This morning whilst waiting to board an airplane in Norfolk I got into a conversation with a very pleasant little old lady. She was going to California (by way of Dallas) to visit a friend and we struck up a conversation. I was so fascinated how her smile lines and other parts of her face moved around as she spoke. that sounds ridiculous but it's true! So soft, with tiny lips, she was only 5 foot in her younger days. She was very proud of the fact that she had 3 great grandchildren...We spoke at length, and I got enough information from her for a very short biography. One thing she said, though, struck me quite a bit, was that of her two grandsons, the one in DC came to visit her every few months...the one who lives less than 10 miles away she sees only yearly it seems. Her third great grandchild, a little girl, is 6 months old and she has not even met her yet. I asked why, and she said "because they are so busy...they don't have time"
In our advanced society, we have more labor saving and time saving devices than we know what do do with, so our precious time is wasted more and more. We have a surplus of time and instead of working, moving, traveling towards and visiting with those we love, we veg with a tv....or we read books (usually not) or go to the gym instead of making time for family and friends which is infinitely more important. Why would we do this? in the old days, they wished they had more time in between seasons of farming so that they could visit folks, see people, travel back to Ireland and see the folks...things are so different. another evidence of the anti-people culture.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Revisions to the Child Labor Laws
I was laying in bed this evening, relaxing on facebook when I can across a very disturbing story. The government (in an effort headed by none other than our fearless leader, B.O.)is attempting to broaden child labor laws to include children working on the family farm. As the law reads, children UNDER 18!!! will no longer be allowed to operate machinery or work with farm animals or in barns or silos. If this doesn't trample over a parent's right and duty to parent their child, I don't know what does!!! it's all in the interest of safety, but that doesn't really seem the issue. If a parent diligently caring for their child's upbringing and teaching them to respect nature and the forces around them I don't see a problem. As I understand it, not being anything close to a farmer, there are many things about farming that one must learn early on, that it has to be grown into your blood...and how the heck are you going to learn that at 18??? Lots of your memory is already cut off and even your ability to learn a new language at that age is disintegrated drastically. Perhaps our president does not want to encourage an industrious economy, or the preservation of the American farm. Perhaps they would like more than the 40% of kids receiving food stamps to be getting handouts from the government. Maybe they don't want able bodied children who can work and provide for a family...maybe they don't want food produced here at home...they want to get it all from Cambodia or Honduras. Sure, a child working on the farm is dangerous. That's part of life. Farm kids tend to be a little bit smarter and a good deal more resourceful than their suburban peers. They learn to mind their surroundings early on. The release states that it provides a complete exemption for a children working on their parent's farm, but how long will this be true? and what if they are working on a farm owned by their grandparents or uncle? they would not be allowed under this mandate should it take effect. Furthermore, it would also discontinue the work of many clubs and training organizations such as 4H and Future Farmers of America as kids would no longer be able to work with animals. The ending paragraph of the release seems to indicate that though they will listen to public opinion up until November 1st...it is a done deal. I can't help but think that socialism is taking over America.
The actual release from the United States Dept of Labor:
US Labor Department proposes updates to child labor regulations: Aims to improve safety of young workers employed in agriculture and related fields
Sign the Petition below to say that you do not agree with the proposal as written.
Petition at Change.org
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Latest Organization Project
As a somewhat messy person who always needs to have the necessities around. I recently scrubbed my bathroom down and realized that it would be so much neater in there if I had somewhere to put my makeup. boxes and such are nice but not practical for daily use. I had a basked for a bit, but the powders tended to flip over and break apart. My solution was a plastic tray with a lip so that things don't slide off. that way I can actually see the things that I use all the time. I got the idea from the jewelry trays of fashionable ladies in times past.
Being that I'm a grown girl and out of the house, occasionally my siblings look up to me and think "wow! I wanna be like her." This is usually about the time that I receive a request for a sleep over at my place. Tonight, my youngest brothers are over...and after watching Shrek, eating Mac n' Cheese, and playing the game of Life (which I lost to both of them) they have decided that it would be a good idea to light a fire. They were cold and their first thought was to light a fire, not turn up the heat. They have spent the greater part of 30 minutes hunting for sticks and attempting to light a fire. So many times I almost jumped in and said "No! Don't do that! you're gonna burn down the house!" but then I thought: they are not toddlers. They are learning to take care of themselves now. Since they are 11 and 13, it may be time to let them just kinda figure things out...without an adult hovering over them saying "look out for that! What are you doing? Don't do it like that! Are you trying to burn the house down?" I intervened twice, when they wanted to rearrange it and
e a flaming log. They shall grown into fine young men yet.
mov
Friday, April 06, 2012
Layin' in the yard under the stars
My family has just taken a very big step: they've got a dog. Actually, we've had her for a couple of months now. She a very happy, people loving black lab. and unfortunately, she ends up being lonely quite a bit since she's only happy around people. This evening, the kids were playing frisbee in the street with her running back and forth. It's quite comical to watch because everyone stands around for the most part...the only things moving are the frisbee and the dog.
After this display of athleticism, I hauled my carcass out to the backyard to hang out with her. My youngest sister and I laid down and she laid between us. For an hour or so we just laid there harmonizing old songs with Jasmine sleeping , her head on my arm. 'Down in the Valley,' 'Wayfarin' Stranger,' 'Oh Freedom,' 'All the Pretty Little Horses,' 'Bury me not on the Lone Prarie,' 'Behold the Wood of the Cross,' 'The Raggle Taggle Gypsies,' 'Scarborough Fair.' I had a fleeting thought "Gee, there's probably bugs all over the place crawling around on my skirt or down my shirt." However, I soon banished such thoughts since it was a cool night and I didn't feel anything.
Laying there with the dog on the bare ground, gazing up at the stars, I thought of all those in the past who had done this: my ancestors perhaps, or the settlers of our nation. More than likely it was probably just gypsies. There were so many stars out, more than usual, and the night wind was blowing only softly. The interstate 1/4 mile away was not making much noise, and the moon is full and bright. The Vernal Equinox. It is the night before the the Passover, and the night on which my Savior suffered and died. It was a lovely feeling there on the ground with the dog and my sister...all's right with the world...I'm loved and someone cares for me. I don't care right now that I'm in debt up to my nose; that I have to work in the morning; that I have never had a boyfriend; that I don't know my vocation; that my family's emotions are hanging onto sanity by a thread. My God loves me and He cares. I'd stay under those stars forever.
After this display of athleticism, I hauled my carcass out to the backyard to hang out with her. My youngest sister and I laid down and she laid between us. For an hour or so we just laid there harmonizing old songs with Jasmine sleeping , her head on my arm. 'Down in the Valley,' 'Wayfarin' Stranger,' 'Oh Freedom,' 'All the Pretty Little Horses,' 'Bury me not on the Lone Prarie,' 'Behold the Wood of the Cross,' 'The Raggle Taggle Gypsies,' 'Scarborough Fair.' I had a fleeting thought "Gee, there's probably bugs all over the place crawling around on my skirt or down my shirt." However, I soon banished such thoughts since it was a cool night and I didn't feel anything.
Laying there with the dog on the bare ground, gazing up at the stars, I thought of all those in the past who had done this: my ancestors perhaps, or the settlers of our nation. More than likely it was probably just gypsies. There were so many stars out, more than usual, and the night wind was blowing only softly. The interstate 1/4 mile away was not making much noise, and the moon is full and bright. The Vernal Equinox. It is the night before the the Passover, and the night on which my Savior suffered and died. It was a lovely feeling there on the ground with the dog and my sister...all's right with the world...I'm loved and someone cares for me. I don't care right now that I'm in debt up to my nose; that I have to work in the morning; that I have never had a boyfriend; that I don't know my vocation; that my family's emotions are hanging onto sanity by a thread. My God loves me and He cares. I'd stay under those stars forever.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Stations tonight
Every now and then, I realize that spending time alone in my house is not enough. I do crave alone time, certainly, but alone in my house watching movies and such is so unfulfilling. Furthermore, it tends to breed a desire for more alone-ness and thus I become grumpy if other people intrude on my solitude. And then...I went to Mass tonight.
So simple...so invigorating...Confession before and Stations of the Cross afterward. So beautiful. There was rather a ferocious thunderstorm going on outside with those huge raindrops that cover an entire car in one drip. The lights went out right before the gospel. Mass in the dark. Fantastic.
The Stations of the Cross are one of my truly favorite devotions. The thoughts and ideas contained therein go with my earlier thoughts in a previous post that I don't feel anything. It is hard to feel sorrow for my sins, hard to feel the necessity of going to Mass, hard to feel that I ought to go out for a walk. But perhaps this is numbness is a wake up call for a deeper conversion. The prayers of the Stations are constantly asking for forgiveness and meditation on the sorrows and pains of Our Lord. One sentiment in particular struck me tonight: that the cross in and of itself did not hurt him, for he was a strong man and a carpenter and could easily have carried that wood. The pain and the heaviness came from the weight of our sins, the true burden of calvary. Every sinful act infinitely offensive. I struggle under the weight of my own sins and a couple of the sins around me. I venture to think that I do not even know all of my sins.
Greater love hath no man....
So simple...so invigorating...Confession before and Stations of the Cross afterward. So beautiful. There was rather a ferocious thunderstorm going on outside with those huge raindrops that cover an entire car in one drip. The lights went out right before the gospel. Mass in the dark. Fantastic.
The Stations of the Cross are one of my truly favorite devotions. The thoughts and ideas contained therein go with my earlier thoughts in a previous post that I don't feel anything. It is hard to feel sorrow for my sins, hard to feel the necessity of going to Mass, hard to feel that I ought to go out for a walk. But perhaps this is numbness is a wake up call for a deeper conversion. The prayers of the Stations are constantly asking for forgiveness and meditation on the sorrows and pains of Our Lord. One sentiment in particular struck me tonight: that the cross in and of itself did not hurt him, for he was a strong man and a carpenter and could easily have carried that wood. The pain and the heaviness came from the weight of our sins, the true burden of calvary. Every sinful act infinitely offensive. I struggle under the weight of my own sins and a couple of the sins around me. I venture to think that I do not even know all of my sins.
Greater love hath no man....
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Contrast
A little girl came into the emergency room today. As I work with kids that is not at all unusual. She wasn't sick; there was no need for medications or IVs or radiological studies. She needed a prescription and went right home. That is not unusual either. What was unusual was her attitude. I walked into the room to introduce herself and her glowing brown face grew brighter with excitement and she began to talk in a babbling toddler voice. Obviously she was excited to meet new people. Such a sweet kid...so I put on Dora the explorer for her and she just about hit the roof, jumping on the bed and screaming "Momma! Momma! look! Dora!!!!" I laughed. What a joyful kid.
On her way out the door her mother took a sticker from the dispenser, only one, and gave it to the girl and once again we saw the same glowing reaction "Oh WOW MOM!!!!" A great big smile and a "Nank Noo!" and she was out the door.
After she left, I wondered "was I ever that excited about life? I cant remember." Childhood...so beautiful. Shouldn't I feel more? I don't care what I eat, a sticker does not brighten my day, and I don't jump for joy when show I like comes on. Almost wish I could turn back that clock...but even if I did, would I get that innocence and joy back? probably not. Still, there must be a way to feel something besides inertia and numbness.
On her way out the door her mother took a sticker from the dispenser, only one, and gave it to the girl and once again we saw the same glowing reaction "Oh WOW MOM!!!!" A great big smile and a "Nank Noo!" and she was out the door.
After she left, I wondered "was I ever that excited about life? I cant remember." Childhood...so beautiful. Shouldn't I feel more? I don't care what I eat, a sticker does not brighten my day, and I don't jump for joy when show I like comes on. Almost wish I could turn back that clock...but even if I did, would I get that innocence and joy back? probably not. Still, there must be a way to feel something besides inertia and numbness.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Prayers before and after meals for Christmas and Epiphanytide
Prayer Before Meals
BENEDIC, Domine, nos et haec tua dona quae de tua largitate sumus sumpturi. Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen.
Ante prandium
Mensae coelestis participes faciat nos, Rex aeternae gloriae. Amen.
Ante cenam
Ad coenam vitae aeternae perducat nos, Rex aeternae gloriae. Amen.
BLESS us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Add for midday; May the King of everlasting glory make us partakers of the heavenly table. Amen.
Add for evening; May the King of ever-lasting glory lead us to the banquet of life eternal. Amen.
Prayer After Meals
AGIMUS tibi gratias, omnipotens Deus, pro universis beneficiis tuis, qui vivis et regnas in saecula saeculorum. Amen.
V. Deus det nobis suam pacem.
R. Et vitam aeternam.
Amen.
WE give Thee thanks, almighty God, for all Thy benefits, who livest and reignest for ever and ever. Amen.
V. May the Lord grant us His peace.
R. And life everlasting.
Amen.
From Christmas until 1st Vespers of Epiphany
Ante prandium et cenam
Vebum caro factum est, alleluia
Et habitavit in nobis, alleluia
Post prandium et cenam
Notum fecit Dominus, alleluia
Salutare suum, alleluia
Add for midday:
The Word was made flesh, alleluia
And dwelt among us, alleluia
Add for evening:
The Lord hath made known, alleluia
His salvation, alleluia
From Epiphany through January 13th
Ante prandium et cenam
Reges Tharsis, et insulae munera offerent, alleluia
Reges Arabum et Saba dona adducent, alleluia
Post prandium et cenam
Omnes de Saba venient, alleluia
Aurum et thus deferentes, alleluia
Add for midday:
The kings of Tharsis and of the islands shall offer presents, alleluia
The kings of Arabia and of Saba shall bring gifts, alleluia
Add for evening:
All from Saba shall come, alleluia
bearing gold and incense, alleluia
BENEDIC, Domine, nos et haec tua dona quae de tua largitate sumus sumpturi. Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen.
Ante prandium
Mensae coelestis participes faciat nos, Rex aeternae gloriae. Amen.
Ante cenam
Ad coenam vitae aeternae perducat nos, Rex aeternae gloriae. Amen.
BLESS us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Add for midday; May the King of everlasting glory make us partakers of the heavenly table. Amen.
Add for evening; May the King of ever-lasting glory lead us to the banquet of life eternal. Amen.
Prayer After Meals
AGIMUS tibi gratias, omnipotens Deus, pro universis beneficiis tuis, qui vivis et regnas in saecula saeculorum. Amen.
V. Deus det nobis suam pacem.
R. Et vitam aeternam.
Amen.
WE give Thee thanks, almighty God, for all Thy benefits, who livest and reignest for ever and ever. Amen.
V. May the Lord grant us His peace.
R. And life everlasting.
Amen.
From Christmas until 1st Vespers of Epiphany
Ante prandium et cenam
Vebum caro factum est, alleluia
Et habitavit in nobis, alleluia
Post prandium et cenam
Notum fecit Dominus, alleluia
Salutare suum, alleluia
Add for midday:
The Word was made flesh, alleluia
And dwelt among us, alleluia
Add for evening:
The Lord hath made known, alleluia
His salvation, alleluia
From Epiphany through January 13th
Ante prandium et cenam
Reges Tharsis, et insulae munera offerent, alleluia
Reges Arabum et Saba dona adducent, alleluia
Post prandium et cenam
Omnes de Saba venient, alleluia
Aurum et thus deferentes, alleluia
Add for midday:
The kings of Tharsis and of the islands shall offer presents, alleluia
The kings of Arabia and of Saba shall bring gifts, alleluia
Add for evening:
All from Saba shall come, alleluia
bearing gold and incense, alleluia
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Rorate Mass (a letter from my pastor)
What is a Rorate Mass?
The Rorate Mass got its proper name from the first word of the Introit (Entrance antiphon): "Rorate caeli désuper et nubes pluant justum". "Shower, O heavens, from above, and let the skies rain down righteousness". We know Gaudete and Laetare Sunday which also got their names from the Introit.
ORIGINS
The Rorate Mass has a long tradition in the Church, especially in German-speaking countries. It is a Votive Mass in honor of the Blessed Mother for the season of Advent. Our Lady shows herself in a special way as our leader through Advent to Christmas. The celebration by candle light had originally a more practical reason. According to the Missal of 1570 no Mass could be said after 12.00 Noon. On the other hand, people had to go to work in the morning. Also the Rorate Masses were celebrated in a more solemn form and therefore would last longer. For these reasons the Masses had to begin relatively early in the morning when it was still dark due to winter-time.
SYMBOLISM
There is a beautiful symbolism associated with the Rorate Mass. Through the snow and cold and darkness of early morning the faithful would trudge with lanterns and candles in their hands to the then brightly lit Church (no electric light!) where the Mass was celebrated.
MARIAN DIMENSION
In Advent we live spiritually between the Annunciation and the birth of Christ. Mary teaches us the spirit of Advent and inner attitude we should have during Advent. During the nine month of pregnancy Mary lived a hidden life, in the spirit of silence and intense intimacy with Christ she carried in her womb. This spirit of intimacy with God the faithful are to cultivate during the season of Advent more intensely by listening attentively to God's message and by obedience to His word.
USE OF CANDLES
What we see so often in Church history: certain things have been done first for practical reasons, but then in the course of time there was also attributed a spiritual meaning. And the use of candles during Advent belongs into this category. The symbolism of the candle matches very well with the spirit of Advent. Advent is dawn. It is still not the bright light of Christmas. Advent is a time of preparation for something exceedingly joyful that will be going to happen. The Church and the soul are still struggling through the darkness toward the Light. There is a longing and expectancy of Advent. The light of our candles is a symbol for our longing for the coming of our Savior Whose light is already dawning. On Christmas Eve we will enter the Church in procession by candlelight. When the Gloria is sung all the lights will be turned on meaning that Christ is now born.
The Rorate Mass got its proper name from the first word of the Introit (Entrance antiphon): "Rorate caeli désuper et nubes pluant justum". "Shower, O heavens, from above, and let the skies rain down righteousness". We know Gaudete and Laetare Sunday which also got their names from the Introit.
ORIGINS
The Rorate Mass has a long tradition in the Church, especially in German-speaking countries. It is a Votive Mass in honor of the Blessed Mother for the season of Advent. Our Lady shows herself in a special way as our leader through Advent to Christmas. The celebration by candle light had originally a more practical reason. According to the Missal of 1570 no Mass could be said after 12.00 Noon. On the other hand, people had to go to work in the morning. Also the Rorate Masses were celebrated in a more solemn form and therefore would last longer. For these reasons the Masses had to begin relatively early in the morning when it was still dark due to winter-time.
SYMBOLISM
There is a beautiful symbolism associated with the Rorate Mass. Through the snow and cold and darkness of early morning the faithful would trudge with lanterns and candles in their hands to the then brightly lit Church (no electric light!) where the Mass was celebrated.
MARIAN DIMENSION
In Advent we live spiritually between the Annunciation and the birth of Christ. Mary teaches us the spirit of Advent and inner attitude we should have during Advent. During the nine month of pregnancy Mary lived a hidden life, in the spirit of silence and intense intimacy with Christ she carried in her womb. This spirit of intimacy with God the faithful are to cultivate during the season of Advent more intensely by listening attentively to God's message and by obedience to His word.
USE OF CANDLES
What we see so often in Church history: certain things have been done first for practical reasons, but then in the course of time there was also attributed a spiritual meaning. And the use of candles during Advent belongs into this category. The symbolism of the candle matches very well with the spirit of Advent. Advent is dawn. It is still not the bright light of Christmas. Advent is a time of preparation for something exceedingly joyful that will be going to happen. The Church and the soul are still struggling through the darkness toward the Light. There is a longing and expectancy of Advent. The light of our candles is a symbol for our longing for the coming of our Savior Whose light is already dawning. On Christmas Eve we will enter the Church in procession by candlelight. When the Gloria is sung all the lights will be turned on meaning that Christ is now born.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Awake and Alive
This song happens to be my theme just now, when those around me at work and daily events (usually involving gossip, unfaithfulness, murder, and inhumanity) keep getting me down, making me wonder why I do it all...why I do anything. The more exact and philosophical reason for this I have not fully formulated as of yet, so I'll leave that for another post. The song is by Skillet, a rock band, and is one of theirs called Awake and Alive.
I'm at war with the world
And they try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I'm slipping from your arms
It's getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last
I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive
I'm at war with the world
'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what, I can't be bought or sold
When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again
I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms, I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you
I'm at war with the world
And they try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I'm slipping from your arms
It's getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last
I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive
I'm at war with the world
'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what, I can't be bought or sold
When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again
I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms, I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A simple death
What prompted me to quote John Donne's sonnet was the death of a child at the hospital last week...a child with severe physical and mental handicaps and a very contorted body. She was in her late teens and had a Do Not Resucitate order on her chart, which basically means that if her heart stops or she stops breathing, we are to do nothing for her but to let her go.
Yes, this was probably a good idea since she was so very sick and had been all her life. I walked into the room from doing something and offered to help, but was told by the other nurse that she was gone.
Gone.
simple little phrase but true nonetheless. Sure, the body is there but she, her essence and soul is not. I held her hand a moment, and looked over her contorted, misshapen little body and wondered about all the sufferings she had experienced, if she had ever had much comfort. Happily, she couldn't have suffered much before she died...and it was nice to see her so peaceful. She passed...and we are finished.
Usually when such a thing happens we are in full gear, administering meds, doing cpr, putting tubes down throats, and attempting to force the body to awaken again. After about 15 minutes of this with no response, we usually discontinue our efforts. This time, nothing happened. I felt weird, like I should be doing something to help her, but she didn't really need our help.
Goodnight, little rose. Thou art now in the garden of paradise.
Yes, this was probably a good idea since she was so very sick and had been all her life. I walked into the room from doing something and offered to help, but was told by the other nurse that she was gone.
Gone.
simple little phrase but true nonetheless. Sure, the body is there but she, her essence and soul is not. I held her hand a moment, and looked over her contorted, misshapen little body and wondered about all the sufferings she had experienced, if she had ever had much comfort. Happily, she couldn't have suffered much before she died...and it was nice to see her so peaceful. She passed...and we are finished.
Usually when such a thing happens we are in full gear, administering meds, doing cpr, putting tubes down throats, and attempting to force the body to awaken again. After about 15 minutes of this with no response, we usually discontinue our efforts. This time, nothing happened. I felt weird, like I should be doing something to help her, but she didn't really need our help.
Goodnight, little rose. Thou art now in the garden of paradise.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Death be not Proud
DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee, 5
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell, 10
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee, 5
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell, 10
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
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