Written in July of 2014 Someone somewhere once pointed out that girls liking guys for absolutely no reason, e.i. the ones who do not like them back or the total losers who don't care anyhow, was because of the fall, that God gave Eve such a strong "desire for your husband." I had a pretty bad experience with this back in college and prayed very hard for God to never let me fall in love again unless the man in question was already in love with me. This has proven to be a good thing, for I haven't fallen in love since. Thank goodness time is such a good healer! I think it comes down to our feminine desire to be loved, honored, and protected. However, in this modern-post-feministic-revolt society we live in, guys are effectively neutered since "women can do it themselves! they can make more money than you! they can fix their own cars! they don't even need you to become a mother so go somewhere else!" Yes, I blame the wider culture for this screwy, messed up situation. It doesn't matter who started it...but radical feminism has been passing around the lie that we must become men for the better part of a century now, and people go right on believing it despite the fact the culture continues to devolve and degrade. If marraige is meant to be, it will happen. It is better to wait 12 years for the right guy than to settle after only two months for the wrong one and have to live the rest of your life like that. Trust in the Lord, and he shall direct thy path. I've a big problem with that, because I have bought into the lie "it's my life and I"ll make something out of it" hook line and sinker. Yep...I'm that girl I can't stand: the rebellious one who wants to do it herself. Doing it myself has gotten me no where and continues to get me no where. Something to work on...and perhaps the most important thing.

Feminity. What is it? A quick internet search will directly feed you those holding up antiquated ideology and how woman of necesity moved on from virginal ignorance, both historically and personally, and into a more hearty and supposedly laudable state of self-actuated take-charge aggression. Others hold up the idea that feminity is defined as "hero-worship," of a man. Not just any man, mind you, but those deserving of her respect...and she never views herself as his pal, his sister, or (God forbid) his leader. hmmm... This hogwash goes on and on and literally makes me sick to my stomach. There are those who are all for throwing it out in this modern era as unnecessary and demeaning, and then the opposite end of the spectrum which makes femininity a thing of masculine support only. My femininity is, apparently, either saturated with sexual undertones and I exist for the gratification of the male, or it is completely devoid of sexuality and assumes the role of a business arrangement for the glory of God. I find it complete flummery to attempt to convice anyone that God would be glorified by any of this. I'm a woman. I am a feminine gal who washes her hair and puts it up, who painstakingly does her makeup, who shaves her legs and pits, who smiles and greats those she meets even though most of them don't look up from their electronic devices, who bakes cookies and blueberry cobbler to make others happy, who serves beer and water to her guests personally, who works out every day, who wears attractive skirts, who conceals her cleavage, and who calls her mother even though it is a chore. Feminity is realizing and embracing all of those attributes that make one truly woman. Have I lost you? Let me explain for a moment here. Feminity is beautiful. I recognize my attributes and I care for them appropriately. My body is sacred, concealed from prying eyes, but clothed attractively. Frumpiness is not modesty...frumpiness is an effort to turn away the wandering eye by sending it away shuddering in horror. Modesty turns the wandering eye to heaven. Feminity automatically excludes promiscuity (my body is awesome, and it is only going to someone who is worthy of it...and only one someone) Feminity is meek. NOT WEAK!!! A feminine lass is strong in body and mind, does not bend with the times. However, she is not hard, she is gentle with those around her, speaks kindly to others. If she points out your weakness she does it with kindness...or she gets you to laugh. Feminity is generous, not jealous, and she gives way in order to bring about peace or joy for all. Sure, feminity does become hero worship...but only for one man: Jesus Christ. He raised woman from her social status as a slave to a pedastal where she deserves reverence, protection, and defference. This is a crummy little reflection here...but I will be expounding on it shortly.

After 6 hours of sleep I stumble into work, slug down some coffee, Seeking the face of Christ in the most vulnerable.