What to expect when you are expecting...something

I graduated from college 4 years and 2 months ago. I started working at my present job 3 year, 8 months and 1 week ago. If I could go back and tell myself "well, honey, you are still working in the same job, you still have tons of loans, you are still single, no husband/kids yet..." would I change anything? I was certainly expecting things to be different...I was hoping they would be.

When we have expectations and they are not met, we tend to get angry...which then leads to resentment. Resentment leads to self pity, but at the same time you've got to blame someone...someone besides yourself because you certainly did not do this to yourself...you would never have chosen to be this unhappy. That is what happens to all of these marriages that "survive" but are miserable beyond belief, with the spouses nitpicking each other to death. People get married expecting it to be one way and it is not, which then occludes their ability to see all of the good that they cannot see because they were not expecting it and are too focused on their own dissapointment.

Perhaps it is better to avoid expectations, but this leads one to abandon hope for better things. Can there not be a middle ground? a balance? I know this to be possible.

No matter what I "expect" to happen in my life, I know that God's will would be so much better than anything I could have dreamed up. It all comes down to a reoccuring theme of this summer: trust. Would I go back and change anything knowing what I know now? Probably not. Do I trust God enough? Absolutely not.

O Lord, be merciful to me a fool.

Christ and sinners

"Christ's love knows no boundaries, stops at no limits, doesn't turn away from ugliness and filth. It was for sinners He came, not for the righteous."
~ St. Teresa of Avila

Christ came to save sinners...not the perfect people.
Have you ever met a perfect person? I've met a few, and believe you me, they ain't perfect....not by a long shot! Perfect people make me nervous...and I often feel terribly inferior. By this I mean those who seem so perfect and who think of themselves as such. Those who are truly perfect (and I've met only a couple of them) are actually perfect and do not make anyone feel inferior because they exude the love of God through their very being, and God, though He is perfection itself by virtue of the fact that He is Truth, loves us unconditionally.

I still find it hard to believe that He could love one so frustrating, so small, so pigheaded as I. And therein we see the crux of the issue: a lack of trust. Christ continues to love me even though I constantly exhibit a lack of trust...human nature perhaps...but selfish and stupid nonetheless.

O Lord, be merciful to me, a fool.

Prayer

Prayer...so necessary...so small...so difficult. Why do I constantly fight against God to pray? How can I cultivate a friendship with him if I do not get to know him?

St. John Vianney noticed a man who came to the church every day and stayed for hours in front of the Tabernacle. After watching this for a while he finally went up to the man and asked "what do you say?" The man looked at the saint and said, "I don't say anything. I look at him and he looks at me."

Methinks it's only complicated because I make it so.

Anthem

O say can you see by the dawn's early light
what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
who's broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous flight o're the ramparts we watch were so galantly gleaming.
And the rocket's red glare,
the bombs bursting in air
gave truth through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star spangled banner yet wave
o're the land of the free and the home of the brave. 

O thus be it ever when free men shall stand
between their loved homes and the war's desolation.
 Blessed with victory and peace may the heaven rescued land
 praise the power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
And then conquer we must
when our cause it is just,
and this be our motto: in God is Our trust!
And the flag of the free, forever may it wave,
 or the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Complete vs. Finished.

If you look up the definitions of "complete" and "finished" in the dictionary, they mean pretty much the same thing. Someone asked a linguist, "what is the difference between these words?" He answered, "well, think of it this way: if you find the right girl and marry her, you are complete. If you marry the wrong girl, you are finished. If you marry the right girl and do it with the wrong girl, you are completely finished." Told to me by my father. =)

THE FOOL'S PRAYER by Edward Rowland Sill

I loved to read as a child (I still do, though I take much less time doing it) and every now and again I would stumble upon something I considered profound and I would memorize. Every so often, I will mutter under my breathe "Lord, be merciful to me a fool" for it is all of the foolish things I do and have done that bring me pain...and the wretched devil who constantly reminds me of them. A priest told me recently, "okay, so you are confessing the same things every week in the confessional? Stop taking yourself so seriously!!! Offer it to God, and quit getting down about your weakness." For it is my weakness that makes me human, and my weakness that He embraced.

HE royal feast was done; the King

Sought some new sport to banish care,

And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,

Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

 

The jester doffed his cap and bells,

And stood the mocking court before;

They could not see the bitter smile

Behind the painted grin he wore.

 

He bowed his head, and bent his knee

Upon the Monarch's silken stool;

His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

 

"No pity, Lord, could change the heart

From red with wrong to white as wool;

The rod must heal the sin: but Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!

 

"'T is not by guilt the onward sweep

Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;

'T is by our follies that so long

We hold the earth from heaven away.

 

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,

Go crushing blossoms without end;

These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust

Among the heart-strings of a friend.

 

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept--

Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?

The word we had not sense to say--

Who knows how grandly it had rung!

 

"Our faults no tenderness should ask.

The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;

But for our blunders -- oh, in shame

Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

 

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;

Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool

That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,

Be merciful to me, a fool!"

 

The room was hushed; in silence rose

The King, and sought his gardens cool,

And walked apart, and murmured low,

"Be merciful to me, a fool!"

Nothing more than feelings...

A friend of mine recently posed the question to me that since she has a child who leans heavily towards feelings and less toward reason, should she not overemphasize the need for reason with this child? Her thoughts were that this is necessary especially since our culture states over and over again "do what you feel. be in line with your feelings." As a heavily inclined feeling person (I tend to think with my feelings as an INFP) I completely rebelled against this idea, as this is largely what my mother attempted to do in me.

As Catholics, we come from a faith tradition that encourages Faith and Works, Faith and Reason, private devotion and public devotion, the past and the future, spiritual and corporal...and she encourages us to strive for balance in these things. I can not bring order to the world by overcompensating for the ills of the world by being the complete reverse. Rather, I can bring order by balancing my life in Christ and changing those around me. Sure, perhaps I am a little too romantic, or a little too hopeful, or too imaginative, or I feel way too much...but while that may be, I can cultivate the thinking/analytical side without completely washing these ideas away.

Is that too hopeful? ;-)

Soulmate and online dating.

The concept of soulmates is pagan and utterly idiotic. The idea is that everyone was one whole and could satisfy their every need and there was unity in the being, but then they were split apart and doomed to forever roam the earth looking for their "soulmate."

Yuck!

Is my vocation marriage? Yes! At least I think so. Would I like to be married? Yes. However, I would tend to point I don't actually care much where I meet my husband, though I do admit to have a preference for meeting him organically. I know that God wants me to marry and I need to leave the where/why/how/whom to Him. Why did I sign up for this Catholic marriage website? Uh, my mom told me to. Lol...I actually did it on a whim. How's that for mature, discerning, and rational adult decision making? I am happy with my life. I cannot change something about my life unless I am already happy with it and want to make it better. I happy as a single gal...could I give that up for the good of my beloved? Yes, because that is love. I firmly believe that I can love my other even though I have not met him simply by living my life well and by being willing to take a risk.

Love is risky. Someone was once crucified for love.

Reflections on motherhood

I was recently challenged on something that I hold very dear, and, as usual, was unable to put my thoughts together coherently in order to really express my views. Oddly enough, it was about being a stay at home mom...something very close to my heart. In order that my thoughts may be more collected, I'm attempting to lay them out in a somewhat orderly fashion to prevent the Jackass feeling from reoccurring in the future...or at least with regard to this particular issue. Be it known that I am here describing the ideal, the hope, and the very best thing and am not taking into account that there are many good women who are compelled to work when their husbands are sick or die. This is not about that sort of thing.

 Though I have no children, I feel very strongly that it is the parents who ought to raise their children, and if someone else has them for 40+ waking hours every week, that is not happening. So many people argue, "but he still knows who his mama is, and he hugs me tight every morning and says 'I wish you wouldn't go!'" My heart bleeds for those children. Society forces the woman and her child to forgo their natural inclination for "the way things ought to be." If the mother does not stay at home with the child, who does? strangers? As a couple of friends who worked in daycare informed me, they witnessed many children's first words, first steps, and other things that parents completely missed. It is in a woman's nature to be a mother. This cannot be denied physically or emotionally...I would hope that no one has tried to deny it spiritually. Built into the very fibers of a woman's body are the ability (and, frankly, the necessity) to carry a child within herself to term and to nourish this child for the first few years of it's life. The mother and the child are inseparable from the very moment of conception until the moment of birth. Why would you try to separate them after that? The child still naturally depends on the mother for everything...she just has a more active role right now that others, most especially the child's father, can share with her now. I'm not here arguing that the mother can naturally satisfy every need the child has while being raised...just that she should have a primary role together with the father. I have many friends who are young mothers, and all of them stay at home with their children. Most of them did not intend for this to happen, but after the child came they couldn't let go. So many women I work with felt the same, but they were made to feel silly, or like "don't worry...you will get over it...it's just a natural inclination." Uh...DUH!!!! It sure the heck is! This is what a woman is oriented toward!!! It is demeaning to her worth as a woman to claim that motherhood is not a full time job and deserving of her intelligence and talent. Could she use her skills elsewhere to accomplish good? Of course she could! Is there any good greater than her family? NO YOU MORON!!!

 Firstly, parents love their children and are constantly trying to discover their personality, their hopes, their dreams. They know their children best and should be the ones disciplining, nurturing, and encouraging them. They actually have their children's best interest at heart whereas they are one of many for anyone else who could possibly be caring for them. Secondly, it is better for kids to be with their parents as much as possible, to know that there is always someone there who loves them and wants to care for them. This builds trust, honesty, and respect in a child...something that our world is (not so surprisingly) lacking today. Thirdly, it is better for the parents. Knowing that a parent is with the child, the breadwinner is happy and relaxed about leaving the home knowing that the children will be cared for by heir own parent! Less stress =happier life, happier people, peace, weight lose, increased libido, better prayer life...you get the picture.

Come on people! Wake up! 

Truer words were never spoken!!! I do think his point about curiosity espeically poignant, because it is certainly through such a sentiment that many a good hearted Catholic has fallen into the clutches of the evil one. It is a struggle, and has always been for Christians from the earliest times. Dear GK observed in an essay entitled The Patriotic Idea (which can be found in his Collected Works from Ignatius Press) "There is, moreover, another broad distinction, which inclines us to side with those who support the abstract idea of patriotism against those who oppose it. There are two methods by which intelligent men may approach the problem of that temperance which is the object of morality in all matters—in wine, in war, in sex, in patriotism; that temperance which desires, if possible, to have wine without drunkenness, war without massacre, love without profligacy, and patriotism without Sir Alfred Harmsworth. One method, advocated by many earnest people from the beginning of history, is what may roughly be called the teetotal method; that is, that it is better, because of their obvious danger, to do without these great and historic passions altogether. The upholders of the other method (of whom I am one) maintain, on the contrary, that the only ultimate and victorious method of getting rid of the danger is thoroughly to understand and experience the passions. We maintain that with every one of the great emotions of life there goes a certain terror, which, when taken with imaginative reality, is the strongest possible opponent of excess; we maintain, that is to say, that the way to be afraid of war is to know something about war; that the way to be afraid of love is to know something about it; that the way to avoid excess in wine is to feel it as a perilous benefit, and that patriotism goes along with these. The other party maintains that the best guarantee of temperance is to wear a blue ribbon; we maintain that the best guarantee is to be born in a wine-growing country. They maintain that the best guarantee of purity is to take a celibate vow; we maintain that the best guarantee of purity is to fall in love. They maintain that the best guarantee of avoiding a reckless pugnacity is to forswear fighting; we maintain that the best guarantee is to have once experienced it. They maintain that we should care for our country too little to resent trifling impertinences; we maintain that we should care too much about our country to do so. It is like the Mohammedan and Christian sentiment of temperance. Mohammedanism makes wine a poison; Christianity makes it a sacrament." To fall in love with God is to be totally consumed in love, and if one is totally consumed in Love, which we know to be a person, then one loves truly every one of those God places in his path. Consider St. Francis and his love of nature and of the animals, of his brothers, and of St. Clare: he love Our Blessed Lord with everything he had, and he loved each of these unconditionally. If I truly loved ever person in this world, I would never objectify them by impurity. I do not think there is any evil in temptation, for even Christ was tempted by the devil (having not Original Sin, he did not have concupiscence and was not tempted by the flesh as we are). The greatness comes in conquering temptations. The best defences against impurity, on a pratical note, are to say three Hail Marys daily for purity, and to pray to St. Mary of Egypt. Look her up! She's fantastic!!! http://insightscoop.typepad.com/2004/2012/07/g-k-chesterton-on-the-patriotic-idea.html

INFP

Just another look at my myers brigs type. Excerpt from http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/infp.htm INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception) is a four-letter abbreviation for one of the 16 personality types identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The INFP personality type is often described as an "idealist" personality. People with this kind of personality tend to be introverted, idealistic, creative and driven by high values. Tfour-letter code for this personality type stands for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling and Perceiving. •Introversion (I): How do you relate to the world and focus your energy? •Intuition (N): How do you perceive information? •Feeling (F): How do you make decisions? •Perceiving (P): How to you orient yourself to the outside world? Some of the main characteristics of the INFP personality include: •Loyal and devoted •Sensitive to feelings •Warm, caring and interested in other people •Strong written communication skills •Prefers to work alone •Values close relationships •Focuses on the "big picture" rather than the details INFPs tend to be introverted, quiet and reserved. Being in social situations tends to drain their energy and they prefer interacting with a select group of close friends. While they like to be alone, this should not necessarily be confused with shyness. Instead, it simply means that INFPs gain energy from spending time alone. On the other hand, they have to expend energy in social situations. INFPS typically rely on intuition and are more focused on the big picture rather than the nitty-gritty details. They can be quite meticulous about things they really care about or projects they are working on, but tend to ignore mundane or boring details. INFPs place an emphasis on personal feelings and their decisions are more influenced by these concerns rather than by objective information. They also dislike conflict and try to avoid it. When conflicts or arguments do arise, they usually focus more on how the conflict makes them feel rather than the actual details of the argument. During arguments, they might seem overly emotional or even irrational. However, they can also be good mediators by helping the people involved in a conflict identify and express their feelings. When it comes to making decisions, INFPs like to keep their options open. They often delay making important decisions just in case something about the situation changes. When decisions are made, they are usually based on personal values rather than logic. Because they are so reserved and private, it can be difficult for other people to get to know INFPs. They tend to be quite devoted to their circle of close friends and family and place a high importance on the feelings and emotions of their loved ones. Much of their energy is focused inward and characterized by intense feelings and strong values. They tend to be very loyal to the people they love and to beliefs and causes that are important to them. INFPs tend to be very creative, artistic and spiritual. They are often skilled with language, but may prefer to express their thoughts and feelings through writing. Because they have strong ethics and values, they also become passionate about advocating or defending their beliefs. While they feel strongly about their own values, INFPs are also interested in learning more about others and are willing to listen and consider many sides of an issue. INFPs also have strong interests in making the world a better place. In addition to wanting to gain a greater understanding of themselves and how they fit into the world, they are also interested in how they can best help others. People with this personality type spend a lot of time exploring their own purpose in life and thinking about how they can use their skills and talents to best serve humanity. Best Career Choices for INFPs INFPs typically do well in careers where they can express their creativity and vision. While they work well with others, they generally prefer to work alone. Some possible careers that might be a good match for an INFP include: •Artist •Counselor •Graphic Designer •Librarian •Psychologist •Physical Therapist •Social Worker •Writer

Favorite Band

One of my favorite bands ever! Civil Wars has a totally beautiful way of harmonizing that is not common in current music. I'm partial to folk because it is old fashioned and yet always applicable and fresh. These two voices are simply perfection. I also love the fact that the lady, Joy is her name I think, always wears the nicest dresses and very ladylike outfits...it's so nice to see a girl looking like a lady in popular circles. Many folks seem to think that to be country requires a girl to be rather boyish...of course, this could be just another instance of folk music going against the grain.

Prayer for the Holy Father's election

Our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, is retiring in 2 days, and I found a few prayers to pray for the election of a new pontiff. Any big change in the heirarchy of the church is an oppurtunity for the devil to play mischeif. Prayer for the Election of a New PopeLord Jesus Christ, You are the Good Shepherd, And you never leave your flock untended. You gave your life that we may live, And you appoint shepherds after your own heart To lead your people by word and example To likewise give themselves away in love. We thank you for the ministry of Pope Benedict XVI, And for his service to the Church and the world. We ask that you now give him a fruitful period Of rest and prayer, of gratitude and praise. We ask you, Lord Jesus, with the Father, To send the Holy Spirit on the Church once again. In particular, guide the Cardinals who will shortly exercise The obligation and privilege of electing a new Pope. Guide their deliberations and decisions With divine wisdom and insight. Even now, Lord Jesus, give to the new Pope, Whom you have already chosen, An abundance of holiness and strength, To carry out the mission you have entrusted to him. May your Word reign supreme in his life, And may his every word and action point the Church to You, The supreme and eternal Shepherd, And the only mediator between God and humanity, For you live and reign forever and ever. Amen.

My favorite quotes ever!

"Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back." GK Satan was the most celebrated of Alpine guides, when he took Jesus to the top of an exceeding high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the earth. But the joy of Satan in standing on a peak is not a joy of largeness, but a joy in beholding smallness, in the fact that all men look like insects at his feet. It is from the valley that things look large; it is from the level that things look high; I am a child of the level and have no need of that celebrated Alpine guide. I will life up my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help; but I will not life up my carcass to the hills, unless it is absolutely necessary. Everything is in an attitude of mind; and at this moment I am in a comfortable attitude. I will sit still and let the marvels and the adventures settle on my like flies. There are plenty of them, I assure you. The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder. ~Tremendous Trifles, G.K. NO TRESPASSING! Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. ~a sign. O thus be it ever when free men shall stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation. Blessed with victory and peace may the heaven rescued land praise the power that hath made and preserved us a nation. And then conquer we must when our cause it is just, and this be our motto: in God is Our trust! And the flag of the free, forever may it wave, or the land of the free and the home of the brave. "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish." ~Mother Theresa You and all the kind of Christ Are ignorant and brave, And you have wars you hardly win And souls you hardly save. I tell you naught for your comfort, Yea, not for your desire Save that the sky grows darker yet And the sea rises higher. Night shall be thrice night over you, And heaven an iron cope. Do you have joy without a cause, Yea, faith without a hope? ~Ballad of the White Horse Tolerance is the virtue of a man without convictions. G.K. Chesterton "Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire!" -St. Catherine of Siena "I think the world today is upside-down, and is suffering so much, because there is so very little love in the homes and in family life. We have no time for our children, we have no time for each other; there is no time to enjoy each other. If we could only bring back into our lives the life that Jesus, Mary, and Joseph lived in Nazareth, if we could make our homes another Nazareth, I think that peace and joy would reign in the world." -Mother Teresa I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. Love means loving the unlovable, or it is no virtue at all. Oh thus be it ever when free men shall stand, between their loved home and the war's desolation. Blessed with victory and peace, may the heaven-rescued land praise the power that hath made and preserved us a nation. And then conquer we must when our cause it is just And this be our motto: "in God is our trust." And the flag of the free forever shall wave ore the land of the the free and the home of the brave. ~Star Spangled Banner

Temperament of a Phlegmatic/sanguine

Quoted from the temperament section of the Catholic Match web page. If you are a phlegmatic-sanguine, your phlegmatic side will dominate. This will result in a greater tendency to introversion (though still less than a melancholics or pure phlegmatics). You are congenial and cooperative and get along well with most everyone. Because of your emphasis on harmony in relationships, you are peace-loving, conservative, well-balanced, easy-going, with a dry wit and a talent for bringing people together. As an employee, you are compliant, dutiful, orderly, and subdued (and probably were as a child too). Others may not realize that you have a sanguine side -- at first. It may take a little longer for you to make close friends (because you do not reveal your feelings or thoughts as readily as the more extraverted sanguine-phlegmatic), but once you do, your sanguine nature can assert itself. It will also show up when, for example, you have been so dutiful and compliant about work or school that finally you need to relax and unwind and now the sanguine, fun-loving side comes out. Or, when you are hanging out with your closest friends. You are very thoughtful of others, with a knack for empathically putting yourself in other peoples shoes, and value peace and harmony at all times. You also have a great sense of humor and an easy-going manner that makes you a valued friend. You are discouraged by criticism or negativity and need acceptance, support and cooperation in your personal life. You can be deeply wounded by sarcasm, harsh criticism, and anger when it is directed at you. You will not, however, directly fight back but prefer to turn the other cheek or redouble your efforts to please. Phlegmatic-sanguines tend to prefer movies, concerts, or other forms of relaxation that are a bit more spectator-oriented. When they attend parties, they tend to prefer smaller groups, rather than the large social gatherings a pure sanguine enjoys. Like sanguine-phlegmatics, they are very attentive to relationships, to harmony among people. They have deep feelings, hate negative criticism, and become discouraged by negativity in those around them. They are strongly tempted to repress their own wishes in order to preserve peace in a relationship. A stressful situation (especially one that is interpersonally demanding) may cause the peaceful phlegmatic-sanguine to withdraw into solitary television watching, playing computer games, eating or sleeping, instead of directly expressing their negative feelings. A danger for the phlegmatic-sanguine is to be satisfied with achieving less than what he is capable of -- whether because he tends not to plan for the future or because the more challenging goals seem to be too much trouble. A phlegmatic-sanguine will be strongly tempted to quit if he doesnt think the end product is worth the effort or if he fears he wont succeed. Perhaps the most besetting difficulties for this temperament mixture are the natural inclination to peace and quiet (tempting one to laziness), a preference to live within the moment (superficiality), and a tendency to make decisions based first on the desire to please someone else or to restore harmony. In a relationship, the phlegmatic-sanguine is true-blue. He is likely to be a great listener, is willing to put others first, and has excellent mediatory skills. You are a supportive friend and a cooperative employee; however, this can cause you to say yes to demands of friends or colleagues, without first analyzing whether this choice is actually the best choice to make. At times, wanting to either please your good friends or avoid conflict either at home or at work, you may go with the flow when in fact a strong stance is necessary. Or, you may avoid a more demanding task or career move in order to maintain harmony and stability. If you find yourself stuck in a rut or avoiding making the extra effort required to make an important change, take time out to analyze your goals for the future, realign your priorities to reflect your values and, if necessary, seek spiritual direction to ensure that your values are aligned with Gods will for you.

Irish furniture in story.

Sure this impressed me when I watched it randomly this night, and it's a fine tale. Many times we think "if walls could talk, oh the stories they could tell." Walls are limited to the space they are in. I'll bet furniture has even better stories. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrfDAIqn6KE